Where did I go?

So I started this blog with all kinds of big intentions, but then I got preggo! Blogging took a back seat to my life and all the fun things that come from having a sixth child. RJ is now 9 months old. Things have been going pretty well this time, but lack of sleep has really been an issue. I am on a new medicine, Loratab. It has been great. I like it much better then Wellbutrine/bupropion, which gave me anxiety. The downsides to the Lortab have been the scatteredness and the lack of labido. Both of these thing are better then the rage and indifference that I have delt with before. My kids have been real troopers. My older boys are very helpful and know when mamma needs to go take a bath and have a minute to herself. They are going to be great husbands someday. I have tried really hard not to compare myself to others this time around. I am trying to find what things are really important and what I enjoy doing as well as really need to to do. It is OK if my house isnt perfect, or if my kids stay in their jammies all day with me. The sun does come out and I put jeans on instead of PJ's and go outside. Those are great days. I love to watch my kids play and see their little brains growing while they image all kinds of crazy things. They are so beautiful! This time around I have also learned to ask for help. My husband has been wonderful, and I have great friends around me that understand. I think it is important to talk about how I am feeling and take breaks (bubble baths) when I feel the need. If anyone is out there I would love to hear from you!

So here we go!

It is time to get this blog started. I have been talking about it and just haven't had the courage to get going. So here we go!
My name is Andrea. I am a mother of 5 and have suffered from postpartum with 4 of my children. I want this blog to be a place where women can come and find that they are not alone. I hope that we can get enough women to contribute so you can find someone to relate to. For now it is just me. Here is how I new I need to go to the doctor and get some help.

I was living in a haze. My husband didn't know what to do. I had 2 beautiful children. I was a mother. It is what I have always wanted to be. But I didn't like it. I didn't like anyone or anything. One night I started dreaming up ways to kill my wonderful husband. I imagined myself taking out his handgun and loading it. At this point I knew that this wasn't me. When I went to see my doctor she knew right away that I wasn't my self and put me on medication. It took some time for me to accept what was happening. After I realized was was going on I felt better. I knew that I wasn't a monster and I just needed time to heal. Over the years and with each new child I have had different "symptoms". They have ranged from anger to sadness and mostly indifference. Talking about it to friends and having a very supportive husband are the only things that have kept me here.

If anyone out there has something that they would like to share please email me at ragouff@yahoo.com. Thank you!